Facebook has a remarkable way of reminding me exactly how crazy things had gotten in my life. You know those “Memories” that it shows. Many of mine are related to what I was drinking that day. Either a picture of a drink, a check in on untapd, or even more disturbing a post about how much I was looking forward to having a drink.

It’s been nine months and one day since I took my last drink. I don’t know what it was. It was a beer, but I couldn’t tell you which one. And not because I’d blacked out, just because it was so inconsequential at the time. I didn’t know that it would be my last drink. And maybe it won’t be — I’m conscious that a slip or a relapse are distinctly possible, though I pray that neither happens.

Quite a juxtaposition, I think. I posted about booze on Facebook almost daily, and yet, on the last day of my drinking, I didn’t post anything about it. It wasn’t important to share with the world. It simply wasn’t important.

Alcohol had lost its shine. It had stopped working for me. I was ready to stop, but I didn’t know how to do so.

So much has changed in the past nine months. I still think about alcohol everyday — but not in the way I did back then. Most days, I think about how grateful I am that I’m not living that way any longer. But to be honest, there are days when I think about how I might like the taste of a beer or a bourbon, but I truly don’t want the effect any more. I can’t explain it, but there is a certain fear that comes up when I think about getting drunk.

The other night, after a long day, I found myself at home — exhausted, frustrated, and in that place where I would have been very likely to get annihilated in the past. Black out drunk. Forget it all. A real Fuck It kind of place.

Except that I wasn’t doing what I’d done best for so long, I was lying on the couch, watching reruns of Shark Week with my eight year old son lying on top of me, snuggling. My wife and his grandfather were in the room. It was a normal family evening.

It was a minor miracle.

11 thoughts on “Nine

  1. What a great post, Damien!
    It’s so true!
    A normal family evening for hubs and I sounds the same!
    (Although he would have to watch a Housewives show if I had to watch shark week!)
    9 Months is a wonderful milestone!
    Well, every day is I guess!
    Have a wonderful weekend!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I love that you have found your way to a “normal family evening.” And that you are sharing your journey here with us. Thank you. You are a light of hope for those still struggling.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Damien, I love those “minor miracles”! Without the booze, there’s just so much true, deep joy to be found in what used to seem “mundane”. This journey is tough but worth it. Congrats to you! Happy 9 months.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s