When “We Agnostics” Fails Us

If you’re like me, the idea of an interventionist god, who is going to fix you, who is going to save you, simply does not resonate. And if you’re like me, you were probably told that you don’t need to believe in God to practice the 12 steps. You may have been told that there is a difference between Spirituality and Religion. And when you insisted that there was too much God talk in the steps, you were probably pointed to the chapter “We Agnostics” in the Big Book.

And if you’re anything like me, when you read “We Agnostics” you probably read it for what it is — A half assed attempt to cover up the religion that dominates the steps as written in the Big Book. Indeed the entire chapter seems to focus not on acknowledging that you don’t need an interventionist god to get sober, but rather to convince you that you do. The story of Bill Wilson’s conversion figures prominently in this chapter. So too do stories designed to prove that science and reason are not always right — such as the recounting of the widespread belief that man would never fly until the Wright Brothers developed the airplane.

When I finished it, I felt like it read as follows:

Yes, we were like you too. We were men of science and reason. We didn’t believe in God. But we couldn’t reason our way out of drinking and in our moment of utter defeat, we succumbed to the idea that we needed to believe in God to get sober. And you will too, just you wait.

And just in case you don’t get it, in the first paragraph of the next chapter “How It Works” we are told “Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program.”1

Every time I hear that in a meeting I cringe because I know that there are many paths up the mountain.

My relationship with organized religion is complicated. I’ve written about my challenges with the phrase “a God of my understanding” in the past. I’ve struggled with the notion of spirituality without the heavy handedness of evangelical christianity (and make no mistake, the Oxford Group from which the 12 steps came was an evangelical group).

My last post explored the idea of Faith rather than Belief. After reading it, one of my friends on Twitter pointed me to the book The Alternate 12 Steps: A Secular Guide to Recovery. I wondered if I would find it valuable. So many of the things that I’ve been pointed to on this question have failed so miserably that I had my doubts. But I knew that Paul was a kindred spirt and that there just might be something worth reading in this book.

So I bought it.

As I read the first chapter of the book, “What is Your Suffering?” I immediately felt at home. The chapter lays out the intent of the book, which is not to change the 12 steps, but to explain them in non-theistic language. As I read this chapter, I became excited that I might finally read the 12 steps without feeling my skin crawl. I felt that the authors were speaking my language and when I read the final sentence of the chapter I knew it. The authors write, “It isn’t important how we climb the mountain, as long as we commit ourselves to the journey.” 2

I found the book to be true to it’s intent. While the steps have been re-written to remove the theism that dominates the 1935 version of the steps, the intent does not change. The book provides clear guidance for those of us who wish to approach the steps without approaching god. The book makes clear the distinction between the religious and spiritual.

There are a couple of really great quotes from the chapter on Step 2 that really resonated with me:

“The word spirit comes from a Latin word that means breath, life, vigor. We call something spiritual when it represents life or when it enhances life.” 3

“Spiritual power comes from whatever gives us peace, hope or strength and enhances our humanity.” 4

This is what people mean when they say that anything can be your higher power. As Nietzche wrote, “He who has a why to live, can bear with almost any how.” Anything that is life giving, anything that gives your life meaning can be your “why” — a.k.a. your higher power. (That said, you’ll never convince me that a fucking light bulb or a doorknob is your higher power — you’re just being obstinate.)

One final note, is that this book really puts the onus of recovery on the individual. “What matters is to have faith in our spiritual selves – in other words, to have faith in the energy that gives us life.”5 This really resonates with me — after all is said and done, no one can do anything for anyone else. No one can make us better. We are not dependent on an interventionist god to make us better. We have to accept our responsibility to ourselves in order to get better.

So, if you’re like me, and you struggle with the god talk in the recovery community, I highly recommend you read this book. It made a big difference for me.

  1. A.A. World Services Inc. Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition (Kindle Locations 973-974). A.A. World Services, Inc.. Kindle Edition ↩︎
  2. Cleveland, Martha; G., Arlys. The Alternative 12 Steps: A Secular Guide to Recovery (Kindle Locations 205-206). AA Agnostica. Kindle Edition. ↩︎
  3. Cleveland, Martha; G., Arlys. The Alternative 12 Steps: A Secular Guide to Recovery (Kindle Locations 496-497). AA Agnostica. Kindle Edition. ↩︎
  4. Cleveland, Martha; G., Arlys. The Alternative 12 Steps: A Secular Guide to Recovery (Kindle Locations 502-503). AA Agnostica. Kindle Edition. ↩︎
  5. Cleveland, Martha; G., Arlys. The Alternative 12 Steps: A Secular Guide to Recovery (Kindle Locations 499-500). AA Agnostica. Kindle Edition. ↩︎

14 responses to “When “We Agnostics” Fails Us”

  1. I cringe at meetings when folks start “testifying” and getting too Christian. It makes me want to talk about “enlightenment through LSD,” Buddhism, or the beauty in the Islamic faith.

    While I didn’t struggle with the higher power concept, I also found “We Agnostics” to be rather condescending (same with “To the Wives.) My personal view of how I rely on Spirit sounds very similar to “The Alternative 12 Steps…” approach. The 12 steps is my path to spirituality. Thanks for sharing about this book!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. We Agnostics makes me so angry! For so long i couldnt even look past the condescending arrogance to see the kernal of truth: doing simple practices that religious people do (meditation, prayer/affirmations) is helpful to my recovery. I am now quick to see where religious people are right, even if I don’t believe in god.
    Another great read on nontheistic AA recovery is Marya Hornbacher’s book Waiting: A Nonbeliever’s Higher Power.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I don’t need it, Damien, but you can’t imagine how pleased I am that you found something that can work.

    Your anger with the spiritual side of the program and your angst over the Higher Power/God part has always perplexed me. The way I read the chapter We Agnostics was exactly as described in your new book.

    Anyway, whatever works, brother.

    Now, about that capitalization of the Big G…. Ya know, I know why you folks do it, but I doubt we would get along very well if I ran around poking you in the eye every now and again.

    I’ve said my peace, do as you wish. Either way, I’m truly happy for you.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. The adventure continues Damien!
    the doors to recovery need to blown off their hinges
    and the walls torn down.
    the most powerful word in my recovery
    and the one I dreaded the most wasn’t god
    it was the 1st word in all the steps I’ve ever heard or read. . . .
    ~ WE ~

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Damien, I think you know that you and I don’t completely “agree” on on this but it is worth noting how unimportant that fact is. I learn a lot from your discernment and it forces me to question (healthily) my beliefs and approach. I’m appreciative of that and of the fact that it helps me grow, too.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Oh thank you so, so much and thank you Paul! I have really struggled with the text because despite the continued assurances that anything can be my higher power, the source material is pretty clear (and sorta condescending). I am off to check this out immediately!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. This one really spoke to me. I struggle with the God-ism in the literature, and the sexism, as well. I’m looking forward to exploring this book. Thank you so much for sharing your experience. It’s absolutely being heard.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for the kind words. I struggled mightily with the God talk and sometimes still do. I had a breakthrough when I gave myself permission to abandon the God of my childhood. Today, I consider myself spiritual but not religious and largely agnostic. Here is a link to a few posts related to letting go of the god of my childhood, I hope you find these helpful in some way. https://soberboots.org/tag/god-of-my-understanding/


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