For about a month now I’ve had some weighty subjects on the brain — Spirituality, God, Dogma, 12 Step Fundamentalism, and infighting between proponents various modalities of recovery. I have also been writing in a journal rather than writing here as a mechanism to work out my thoughts. There are so many things I want to say about these topics, but I want to make sure that I am constructive and that I contribute to the conversation rather than add to the noise. And so, I haven’t written in over a month on this blog. See I don’t want to be “that guy” who comes in and shits all over the place, leaves and hasn’t added any value.
Perhaps it’s fear. Fear that what I have to say isn’t worthy. Fear that I’ll get a raft of shit from someone on line. Fear that I don’t know enough. Fear that I’ll drive someone who needs the message of recovery away.
Perhaps it’s that I can’t quite put things into words in a way that makes me happy. Perhaps the words won’t come. Perhaps when I do try to express my thoughts, others seem to latch on to one part of the message and miss the point. Perhaps, I’m just not making the point that I think I’m making. Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.
Perhaps, I just need to accept that I am not sure that I am ready to weigh in on these topics. Perhaps, this post is just the post to get me past this little juncture.
But likely not. I do have things to say.
Here’s what I do know in my heart, recovery is about living a full and healthy life. There’s no right way or wrong way to do that. We are all, and I do mean all of us, beginners at this — every single day we begin again. No one has the definitive answers. We may need “outside help.” What works for me, might not work for you. I can only tell you what’s worked for me.
And maybe that’s the thing — I need to tell you what’s worked for me rather than trying to contribute to the conversation. Maybe we’d all be better off if we just acknowledged that we could use a little help here and there, and that there are many ways to do this.
Maybe the conversation is just noise.
Walking in Sober Boots 
5 responses to “Maybe the Conversation is Just Noise”
I’ve this piece Damien. More powers to you. AndX
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Brother, you sharing your experience IS your contribution to the conversation – when it’s all said and done, how we think others should do it is all ego driven bullshit. Sharing our experience, strength and hope, how it works for us, is what draws people in. It’s all about helping others.
Oh, and don’t forget happy, Damien. Longevity means nothing without a good jolt or happiness. Some days the happy days are what keeps me coming back.
Btw, nice job leaving it out there in your post. 👍
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You are having the conversation. It’s on other people to be willing to listen and speak their mind. You can’t speak for them. You certainly can’t think for them.
I find (and I take myself as primary example) that we who suffer from this thing take everything personally. It’s a big turnoff to “newcomers”–like people just starting out. It’s an immature outlook. I try my best to sit past the noise. But it’s hard.
Like we were talking about at breakfast, one little comment or reaction to what I put out there and I am in my head over it for a day, maybe a week. We walk a thin line starting conversations.
But if you didn’t, who would? I know this is true. You can’t count all the people you’ve helped just by opening yourself up to talk, to exchange ideas. Imagine all the people who just stumbled onto this site and left with something to think about.
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What worked for in sobriety changed from day to day, and year to year. At one time, it was AA. At another, it was Sober Blogging. And still another was an attempt to give back what I’ve gained. I think of all of it — the people, their stories, the books I’ve read — as steps on a staircase. All were necessary and timely to finally get me where I am today. Nothing was wasted.
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You always get me thinking in your posts!
I love learning and thinking in different ways.
Sometimes I am too concerned about what people will think if I post my feelings about some topics. Especially in my family, who are all born again, and read my blog.
So I keep quiet. But on your blog, I can write!!!
xoxo
Wendy
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