For about a month now I’ve had some weighty subjects on the brain — Spirituality, God, Dogma, 12 Step Fundamentalism, and infighting between proponents various modalities of recovery. I have also been writing in a journal rather than writing here as a mechanism to work out my thoughts. There are so many things I want to say about these topics, but I want to make sure that I am constructive and that I contribute to the conversation rather than add to the noise. And so, I haven’t written in over a month on this blog. See I don’t want to be “that guy” who comes in and shits all over the place, leaves and hasn’t added any value.
Perhaps it’s fear. Fear that what I have to say isn’t worthy. Fear that I’ll get a raft of shit from someone on line. Fear that I don’t know enough. Fear that I’ll drive someone who needs the message of recovery away.
Perhaps it’s that I can’t quite put things into words in a way that makes me happy. Perhaps the words won’t come. Perhaps when I do try to express my thoughts, others seem to latch on to one part of the message and miss the point. Perhaps, I’m just not making the point that I think I’m making. Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.
Perhaps, I just need to accept that I am not sure that I am ready to weigh in on these topics. Perhaps, this post is just the post to get me past this little juncture.
But likely not. I do have things to say.
Here’s what I do know in my heart, recovery is about living a full and healthy life. There’s no right way or wrong way to do that. We are all, and I do mean all of us, beginners at this — every single day we begin again. No one has the definitive answers. We may need “outside help.” What works for me, might not work for you. I can only tell you what’s worked for me.
And maybe that’s the thing — I need to tell you what’s worked for me rather than trying to contribute to the conversation. Maybe we’d all be better off if we just acknowledged that we could use a little help here and there, and that there are many ways to do this.
Maybe the conversation is just noise.