I feel that I’ve lost my voice in my writing. Since I started this blog, my posts have been largely confessional in nature. Early on, a lot of my posts were about my struggles with various aspects of the 12 Step world as I understood it at the time. Some, but not all, of those misgivings arose from my own misunderstandings of things.
Between years four and five I became much more comfortable with the program, largely as a result of allowing myself abandon the god of my childhood and embrace my own understanding of the mysteries of the universe. And as a result, my writing slowed. But that’s not the only reason.
Over the past two years there have been a series of events in my life that have been incredibly difficult. These events have involved not just me, but my family. They are our story, not exclusively mine, and because they involve others I have not felt that it was appropriate to write openly about them.
This has been difficult for me, because writing about my own struggles has been therapeutic, and I don’t enjoy the cathartic release that came from sharing my story when I keep it inside me. I have shared some of these details with trusted confidants and in meetings, but by and large they have not been on public display.
I have struggled with what to post here. On several occasions I have written a post and sat on it only to decide ultimately that it was not mine to share without the consent of others involved. I know this the right thing to do, but it’s not easy to restrain from publishing.
And so, I find myself at a crossroads. I am not sure that the stories I have to tell are mine alone to tell and I am not sure how to sanitize them in such a way that I can share them. I would like to continue this blog, but I struggle to come up with content that I feel is safe to share at the moment.
I suppose this is growth — this awareness of others. In the past, I might have simply published without regard for the others involved in the stories. I am sure there is a balance somewhere, but, for the life of me, I haven’t been able to find it recently.
5 thoughts on “Our writer has lost his voice”
Sounds like not moving forward, but being still for a bit is the “ wintering” that we all need . To let go of the leaves of growth and return to one’s roots. Quite energy , close to connectedness .
Peace on earth brother!
Damien, it’s ok to run out of things to say. It is also ok (more than ok!) to not share everything that goes on in life, meaning you could continue to write but do so truly for yourself, in a journal. Just some thoughts!
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Our voice evolves over time. Every time I believe I’ve found my voice, I look back at some of the first Blogs I posted and can see it hasn’t really changed that much, but I have. You don’t have to write about other peoples stories, but we can make them our own by writing about what we learned. A birds eye view if you will. I don’t have to think about what to write. It’s simply a matter of getting still in front of the keys and letting the heart spill.
It’s a good example of one of the Human Givens – the need for privacy. I’d see it as an opportunity to reflect and consolidate your experiences.
Really feel this. For a number of reasons, I have been unable to write for 6 months now. I have several half written blogs, mocking me from my laptop. Hoping the muse was just wintering away and I’ll be able to find my voice again
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