Death on Walking in Sober Boots

Words for You, Words for Us

Thu, 13 Jul 2023 13:00:00 -0400

I catch myself again;
Looking for you in the doorway.
Expecting you to walk
out onto the porch,
wrap an arm around
my shoulder, and hold me close
as you did when all the others
died.
Not this time.
No,
not this time,
you are not here.
Still, I won’t believe it;
my aching heart skips another beat,
my stomach somersaults, recognizing
this helpless hope for the
impossible possibility –
that you are
alive.
We have all your evidence:
an instruction set for painters,
heavy typewriters for writing
weighty words, for poetry,
for Gertrude Stein and Whitman,
Bukowski, and Kerouac; in English and
approximate French; poetry written
down on misaligned keys,
characters askew; words for you,
words for us, words because we exist;
paintings on plywood canvas;
lonely sea fences, space bugs,
spoons, and barbed wire; Your voice
making sense, or making nonsense
in our world; Workspace Wednesday.
All that you touched, and
all you created,
everywhere you've been, and
everyone you’ve loved,
bear witness to your
beautiful life.
You were extraordinary,
Frank.
And we,
we were blessed.
No,
I don’t believe you are gone.
When your soul’s fragile shell
failed, death released your
spirit to dance among the
atoms of the Universe.
You are in the water flowing
down the Gunpowder,
in the leaves of the grass
along Stonesifer Road;
riding on cool, sweet air breezes
and blue skies, breaking
August heat in September;
steeping with the Tea in Gainesville;
mixing with the soils of the Earth;
in our breath and in our blood.
For every atom belonging to you
belongs to us.
When we were young,
I would hold you tightly,
burry my nose in your hair, and
inhale your scent,
knowing you were mine
and I was yours.
Brothers.
Caught in this memory, I
barely notice the air
become still, stagnant July
heat on my skin,
rain falls, releasing an
ephemeral rain-soil scent.
Inhaling deeply,
I begin again, becoming whole.

Resignation Masquerading as Acceptance

Thu, 25 Mar 2021 18:49:50 -0400

And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation—some fact of my life—unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. … Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life’s terms, I cannot be happy.

Gratitude on Thanksgiving

Thu, 22 Nov 2018 18:23:35 -0500

I have been reluctant to write. For months, I’ve felt I have little left to be said. I’ve struggled to post a single thought in a month. The truth is that the Promises have come true in my life — not always in the way I might have expected them to, or even hoped they would, but they have come true. I wear life like a loose garment most of the time today.

Matt & Caz's Story

Sat, 11 Mar 2017 10:12:30 -0500

Damien’s Note: Matt and I have followed each other on Twitter for some time and have had enjoyed good interactions. Last week, he reached out via Direct Message requesting my email, saying that he had something to share with me. When I opened the email, in the middle of my work day, I was dumbstruck. I had to get up and leave my home office for a bit to absorb the pain.

Matt’s story hit home because I know what it’s like to loose someone important to death, but I can’t imagine loosing my wife. I hoped that Matt might want me to share this story on my blog. Matt’s story is one of resilience. He’s proof that our sobriety can be stronger than our emotions, life’s twists and turns, and even death.

I married an amazing woman in 2004. We had been together as boyfriend & girlfriend for 7 years to the day when we tied the knot. Not only was I marrying the love of my life, this person was my best friend/lover & soul mate.

I came out as bisexual to her early in the relationship, she understood and excepted me. If I am in a relationship with a person that’s it I am just in a relationship with that one person.

By coming out to her it was as if I had come out to the entire world. I was free to be myself, no secrets and no shame. When I saw her eye up some attractive random man could smile and tell her she had good taste, a relationship like this comes but once a life.