Today is Father’s Day. I am sober. Although I stopped counting a while ago, the app on my phone tells me it’s been 270 days since I first went 24 hours without a drink. I celebrate my sobriety date based on that rather than the day of my last drink — somehow it seems more correct. ...
It’s another great day to be alive, healthy, and sober. The sunset last night was so spectacular here in Menemsha. It was a true reminder of how beautiful this world and this life really are. As I sit here on the porch of the cottage we are renting this morning the sky is clear, the birds are singing, and the harbor bell is ringing in the distance. ...
“This is why I stopped drinking,” I said, “I was missing times like this.” My son had been making paper airplanes of various designs — multiple different shapes, decorations, cut outs, stapled on parts, and weights of paper ranging from printing paper to card-stock — since shortly after Hearon had shown up for dinner. Of course, every different plane was presented to our guest for inspection and approval before its inaugural flight. I can’t do justice to my son’s enthusiasm for these planes and the fact that he had a new friend to show them to. Let me just say that there was a great deal of laughter and many smiles between the three of us. This was, indeed, one of the reasons I’d stopped drinking — I was, indeed, missing out on moments like this 8 months ago. I missed out on the because they never had a chance to happen. ...
It’s June. The 6th month of the year. Those of us in the Northern Hemisphere will be celebrating the start of summer with the summer solstice. Those in the Southern Hemisphere are headed into winter. Of course, in the 12 step world, we often focus on a step and a tradition each month. Naturally, meetings are focused on the sixth step in June, where we humbly ask the good of our understanding to remove our defects of character. I’m still fuming. ...
It’s 90°F and the Friday afternoon before a holiday weekend.My wife is headed out if town and I will have my eight year old son in my own this weekend. It’s going to be hot tomorrow too. Of course, the AC would go on the fritz today. Murphy’s Law. It would be easy to let it get to me and to loose my shit about it. In the past I would have bitched up a storm, maybe thrown my phone across the room, and definitely drank over it – because that was how I dealt with everything, whether it was good or bad. But not today. ...
I thought I was done with this step. I really did. When I talked with my sponsor about this step back in the winter, he suggested that I say the 3rd step prayer in the big book every day for 2 weeks and then tell him when I felt that I was willing to turn things over to a higher power. Many of us said to our Maker, as we understood Him: “God, I offer myself to Thee— to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always!” A.A. World Services Inc (2013-12-02). Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition (Kindle Locations 1034-1036). A.A. World Services, Inc.. Kindle Edition. I spent quite a bit of time searching for a way to get through this and feel comfortable with the wording of it. I read the 12 and 12, and the big book, I talked with some people about it. I struggled with this wording. It makes my skin crawl. ...
Look, this isn’t always easy. There are times when the appeal of a cold beer is pretty strong. Sometimes it’s because I’m angry. Sometimes it’s because I’m bored. Sometimes it’s because the sun is shining and its 70° F. Sometimes, it’s because it’s Tuesday… When the urge strikes, I find that it’s good to remind myself why I got sober. I find that it’s good to look back on some older posts reminding myself of just where I was. And sometimes, that’s enough to set the mind on the right path. ...
I’m not a big fan of roller coasters, whether they are real or emotional. I’ve been on and emotional one for the last few days and it hasn’t been fun. I am not quite sure when it started but for certain the idea of a drink came into my head several times over the weekend. There was a lot going on over the weekend and my father in law was visiting. I love the man, but there’s no doubt that I need to take him in small doses. I wanted an escape hatch. The easy escape hatch that kept surfacing was to have a drink. I didn’t, but those urges sure were strong at times. ...
Honesty is important in recovery. Honestly, right now I really miss drinking - not getting drunk - just drinking beer & bourbon. I feel the same way about smoking, sometimes. I know it’s worth it, and I’m not going to drink, but sometimes this shit is fucking hard. ...
Are binge drinking and alcoholism related? I'm sure there are people far better qualified than me to answer this question, but I'll share some insights that I've gleaned from my own reading and I'll share my own experience. Let’s begin with a definition of binge drinking from the CDC’s site: ...
Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life’s terms, I cannot be happy. A.A. World Services Inc (2013-12-02). Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition (Kindle Location 4976). A.A. World Services, Inc.. Kindle Edition. Volumes can and have been written on one of my most favorite activities in the world, fishing. Tales full of hyperbole. Stories about the one that got away. Articles and books on gear and technique. And of course stories that seem to tell tales of life lessons, patience, acceptance, allegories about death and dying. What could I possibly add to this tome of information on the subject of fishing? Probably not much. The idea for this post came during a meeting the other day. A few of the gentlemen in the room were talking about acceptance. ...
As I drive down Maryland Route 140 from Westminster toward I795, the sun sets in the rear-view mirror. For years I tried to let the sun set on my youth. I felt out of step with the world growing up in rural Maryland. And in a lot of ways, I was out of step with the world. But now, I’m finding that venturing back to where I grew up is not as painful as I might have imagined it. I’ve just had an amazing reunion with a very special teacher, one who saw something in me and helped me set my life on a better path in high school. Through the miracles of technology, we have been reunited and have kept up with each other over the past 8 years or so. We met one other time, before I went off the rails. ...
As I mentioned yesterday, earlier this year I got a number of questions from a concerned fraternity brother about my journey in sobriety that I’d like to address on this blog. I felt the need to paint the picture of my college experience as background for this series of posts. I’m writing my responses to these questions, in hopes that others may learn from my experience, strength, and hope. What should the Psi Chapter Alumni Association (hereafter referred to as we) be doing to help known alcoholics, those living with alcoholics, and those that will one day discover that they have the disease? Well, this isn't going to be easy....
We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. A few months ago, a fraternity brother of mine sent me a list of questions related to my recovery. I’ve been mulling over answering them directly or on the blog and after discussing them with my fraternity brother decided to answer them on the blog. Before I start that series, I think a little background on my college experience might be in order. University Park is located at the exact center of Pennsylvania and is mostly surrounded by the borough of State College, PA. The town is a total of 4.5 square miles and is surrounded by farmland and mountains. In the 1990s, the town boasted a total of 42,000 residents and the student population was approximately 40,000 undergraduates. The entire area is peaceful and relaxed and goes by the moniker “Happy Valley.” To say that it is an idyllic location is an understatement of perhaps the greatest magnitude. When I was in school, there were 56 fraternities registered with the Intra-Fraternity Council and 23 sororities registered with the Panhellenic Council. Within the confines of the 4.5 square miles, there were approximately 25 bars. There were at least 10 beer distributors within ten miles of the town. Due to Pennsylvania’s insane liquor laws, you can only buy beer in cases or kegs at beer distributors - if you want a six pack, you have to go to a “six pack shop” where you pay significantly more than at a distributor. And if you want wine or liquor, you have to go to a state store. There were two state stores in the town. Penn State University Park is officially a dry campus. ...
"As we seek balance in our meditation practice as well as in our lives in recovery, one of the things we have to look out for is this tendency toward extremes." (1) When I first started to contemplate the 12 steps, I struggled mightily with language that I perceived as evangelical. If you're anything like me, you may have struggled with specific words too, perhaps God and Him. I counted the number of steps that talked about something related to God and came up with 6 that used these words. I gave Step 12 a pass even though I thought spiritual awakening sounded a little too much like being saved. I saw things as absolutes. Black and white. On or off. Binary. And I was repulsed. All I wanted was to stop drinking, I didn’t want to fall down some rabbit hole and become a holy roller. People told me that I didn’t have to believe anything in particular. I heard incredibly stupid things, like, “you can make a light bulb your higher power if you want.” ...