Sobriety

As I mentioned yesterday, earlier this year I got a number of questions from a concerned fraternity brother about my journey in sobriety that I’d like to address on this blog. I felt the need to paint the picture of my college experience as background for this series of posts. I’m writing my responses to these questions, in hopes that others may learn from my experience, strength, and hope. What should the Psi Chapter Alumni Association (hereafter referred to as we) be doing to help known alcoholics, those living with alcoholics, and those that will one day discover that they have the disease? Well, this isn't going to be easy....

We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. A few months ago, a fraternity brother of mine sent me a list of questions related to my recovery. I’ve been mulling over answering them directly or on the blog and after discussing them with my fraternity brother decided to answer them on the blog. Before I start that series, I think a little background on my college experience might be in order. University Park is located at the exact center of Pennsylvania and is mostly surrounded by the borough of State College, PA. The town is a total of 4.5 square miles and is surrounded by farmland and mountains. In the 1990s, the town boasted a total of 42,000 residents and the student population was approximately 40,000 undergraduates. The entire area is peaceful and relaxed and goes by the moniker “Happy Valley.” To say that it is an idyllic location is an understatement of perhaps the greatest magnitude. When I was in school, there were 56 fraternities registered with the Intra-Fraternity Council and 23 sororities registered with the Panhellenic Council. Within the confines of the 4.5 square miles, there were approximately 25 bars. There were at least 10 beer distributors within ten miles of the town. Due to Pennsylvania’s insane liquor laws, you can only buy beer in cases or kegs at beer distributors - if you want a six pack, you have to go to a “six pack shop” where you pay significantly more than at a distributor. And if you want wine or liquor, you have to go to a state store. There were two state stores in the town. Penn State University Park is officially a dry campus. ...

"As we seek balance in our meditation practice as well as in our lives in recovery, one of the things we have to look out for is this tendency toward extremes." (1) When I first started to contemplate the 12 steps, I struggled mightily with language that I perceived as evangelical. If you're anything like me, you may have struggled with specific words too, perhaps God and Him. I counted the number of steps that talked about something related to God and came up with 6 that used these words. I gave Step 12 a pass even though I thought spiritual awakening sounded a little too much like being saved. I saw things as absolutes. Black and white. On or off. Binary. And I was repulsed. All I wanted was to stop drinking, I didn’t want to fall down some rabbit hole and become a holy roller. People told me that I didn’t have to believe anything in particular. I heard incredibly stupid things, like, “you can make a light bulb your higher power if you want.” ...

I’m sorry, I don’t recall your name. See, I wasn’t expecting you to jump into a diatribe about how God doesn’t exist and that willpower is the only reason why Erin was able to be celebrating her 4 years of sobriety last night and that we should all be mindful that this program only works for a very small minority. You kind of pissed me off. I kind of let you piss me off. ...

Blood boiled in my veins. My spinning head felt hot. A rushing sensation in my tightening chest. No doubt about it, I was angry. I was on the edge of explosion. It was time to leave the house. ...

I’ve suffered from migraine headaches most of my life. They started in puberty, though they weren’t immediately recognized or diagnosed. I can remember days in high school when I could barely focus because the pain was so strong. For years I thought that these episodes were shoulder and neck tightness, it wasn’t until I was in my 30’s that a doctor suggested that I pay close attention to where I first noticed the pain (in my temple) that I discovered that the stiff shoulder and neck were part of the migraine. ...

You may be expecting this to be a treatise on anonymity and social media or an argument for recovering out loud. It isn’t. Sorry to disappoint you. I’m writing to share my experience, so that you might avoid it if you’re newly sober. See, when I got sober, I didn’t give my social media much thought. I just started following people in recovery and tweeting from my original account. Same thing with Instagram. ...

February 27 Into the fabric of recovery from alcoholism are woven the Twelve Steps and the Twelve Traditions. – Daily Reflections: A Book of Reflections by A.A. Members for A.A. Members (Kindle Location 447). I really enjoy the phrase, “fabric of recovery.” This morning, I spent most of my meeting thinking about this phrase and struggling to put together coherent thoughts about it. There were many ideas that came to mind – connectedness, frayed ends, raw fibers, oneness – And I just couldn’t put it all together to share with the group. ...

My first experience with booze was pretty miserable. I was probably about 13 years old or so when a friend came over to my house while my parents were not home. Never one to miss an opportunity to misbehave, he suggested that we should get drunk. We locked my brother out of the house and proceeded to raid my parents liquor stash. In order to assure that they wouldn’t notice, my friend suggested that we take a little from each bottle and combine them all into a tumbler. Then we took shots. Imagine, if you will, a concoction that included (minimally) the following: vodka, bourbon, creme de mint, liquor 43, peach schnapps and possible tequila. It is a wonder I didn’t hurl on the first drink. We got good and drunk. ...

On Friday we did something that most folks would find foolish. We headed north rather than south in the middle of winter. We flew to Maine. We left the relative warmth of Maryland (23F when we left) for the relative cold of central Maine (-9F on Sunday morning). But our time here has been full of warmth. And not simply because there’s been a fire burning non-stop in the white cast iron stove in the living room, because we’ve been with our good friends, Shawn and Andy and their daughters. ...

The past few weeks have been somewhat trying – not so much in terms of not drinking but in terms of feeling overwhelmed by life. It’s just been plain busy and hectic. This has led to some re-evaluation on my part. I haven’t figured it all out by any means but I am coming to question many things about the 12 step program. ...

This past week has been a whirlwind of activity, thoughts, and a bit of confusion. I left for my annual sales conference in Miami on Wednesday of last week. I consciously chose not to get up for my morning meeting because I knew that I had a long day ahead of me filled with airplanes, Uber rides, meetings, cocktail hour, and a dinner. Wait, what? Cocktail hour? Sober people go to cocktail hours? Yes, sometimes we do when we have a good reason to be there, and a work event is generally a good reason. That doesn’t mean that we drink, it just means we show up. Sometimes you have to suit up and show up. So I went to cocktail hours on Wednesday and Thursday of last week, and had non-alcoholic drinks. My non-alcoholic drinks of choice were, club soda and lime, Red Bull, Ginger Ale, and Espresso. The meetings were generally good. I found that I was much more able to focus on the content being presented because I was actually present. I wasn’t hungover. I wasn’t sick. I wasn’t tired. I actually had a pretty good time and tweeted about it: ...

The thoughts that I’d been having over the past few days stuck with me into the evening yesterday. Despite my best efforts to occupy my mind with other things including listening to music, playing my acoustic guitar, opening up my electric guitar to see if I could fix it (it’s busted and probably will not be worth repairing), and taking a long walk in the cold air, I had trouble shaking those thoughts. So, I went to a meeting. And that helped. As I walked into the meeting I thought to myself, “I sure hope this speaker is a good one.” And she was. She had a story to tell, but more importantly she was good at conveying a message of hope. I went to bed last night with good thoughts in my mind. And then this morning came around. ...

I won’t say that there’s no chance of me ever drinking again for a couple of reasons: First, relapse happens. I pray that it doesn’t happen to me, but I am conscious that it could. Second, modern science has shown that a majority of heavy drinkers can moderate successfully. I know that goes against the 12-step doctrine, but the doctrine was written nearly 80 years ago – when there wasn’t a great deal of good science on the subject. ...

New Years Day – A time to look back and a time to look forward. For many, a time for resolutions. I’m not making any resolutions this year, because I’ve learned that I really need to work with the next 24 hours. Besides, I have failed keep true to my resolutions so many times in the past – why set myself up for another failure? ...